BARACK OBAMA:

FROM RAGS TO RIP-OFFS   ©

by Norman Liebmann

Obama has declared the H1N1 virus a national emergency. It looks like he’s going to have to declare another beer summit - and this time he may have to

lace the beer with penicillin.

America’s next hero is the guy who figures out a way to untwist those light bulbs.

Sexually indiscriminate people have begun referring to venereal disease as “the “Swing Flu”.

Those unsightly political growths on the Obama Administration will eventually acquire the name “Czarbuncles”.

When Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves why didn’t he tell the Civil Rights Gang, “Watch carefully, because I’m only going to do this once”.

Is trying to solve the Obama economy like trying to play tiddlywinks with manhole covers?

Some say it was Abraham Lincoln who observed that God loved the poor people because he made so many of them? Or is it more likely, as the Civil Rights Gang like to claim, God hated the poor people because He made them so poor.

The support of Obama by Boxer, Feinstein, Schumer, Waxman and other Democrat Congressmen of the Hebrew persuasion can only be considered a form of committing Jewiside.

It is a political paradox that that no matter how much violence the blacks subject each other to they will always love each other on Election Day.

Nancy Pelosi should be awarded The Congressional Medal of Bitch.

It seems apparent that it was never the objective of the blacks to achieve equality but to seek the establishment of a white underclass. Rahm Emanuel, David Axelrod and Ben Bernanke are Obama’s favorite Caucasian fetch-and-carries.

Does Barack Obama fluff up his sideburns in order to keep his ears from clanging together? And along those lines, doesn’t Obama look like Ichabod Crane working a minstrel show?

Why doesn’t Obama appoint a Prostitution Czar and have Bill Clinton do the vetting?

If Tevya were alive today would he urinate in Dianne Feinstein’s martini?

The term “gay” is now politically incorrect. Homosexual men prefer to explain their sexual predilection by explaining that they inherited their gender from their mothers.

The late comic Henny Youngman explained the climatic vicissitudes this way. “The weather is so changeable I don’t know what to hock”.”

With his baseball cap on, Michael Moore looks like a goiter suited up for Little League.

Vaccine would have been an apt name for a third Obama daughter.

The Letterman production gal assistants found humping the star of the show is a sure way to get on camera – even if it’s only on a security camera.

The only one who can adequately analyze the Obama family is Jane Goodall - if she could coax them out of the trees.

Los Angeles is building a new football stadium just for Arnold Schwarzenegger to keep California’s IOUs in?

Now that Obama has legalized marihuana will he next reclassify Pablum as an entry level drug?

The United Nations should be called The International House of Horseshit.

Michelle Obama has been hula hooping on the White House lawn.  I guess the show isn’t over until the fat lady swivels. (I didn’t know hula hoops came in a “stylish stout”.)

How quickly politicians forget. These days Obama doesn’t know Chicago from Shinola.

In gratitude to Obama for throwing in the towel will the Taliban change the name of their country as Africanistan.

After Obama’s interminable speeches will the Obama Presidency no longer be a woodpile, but a wordpile. And is Obama trying to make the Presidency into a job a white person won’t do?

If Obama does any more for Islam will the Arabs anoint Michelle Obama as The Bride of Pakistan.

The airplane that missed the Minneapolis Airport by a hundred and fifty miles may have been looking for a place to crash without leaving a mess on the tarmac.

In Vermont is a fruit cake a pound cake that came out of the closet?

Now that Obama has won the Peace Prize, will “Nobel” become the second politically incorrect “N word”?

Wouldn’t you feel safer in a foxhole with Richard Simmons than you would with Colin Powell?

Obama’s agonizing over what to do about Afghanistan reminds us of the words of Oscar Levant who said, “Once I make up my mind I’m full of indecision.”

The Obama White House is considering replacing emergency rooms with what they can call “Compassion Centers” for minority folk in need of transfusions of cheap sentiment?

Hasn’t Obama’s hand-picked rogues gallery turned the White House into another Jamaica Inn?

Our couturier connection informs us Michelle Obama’s girdle is available in four sizes – Small, Medium, Large, and Cargo.

The Administration’s record tells us that Obama should not be allowed to do anything for the first time – and if he should, it shouldn’t be now.

Isn’t it just a matter of time until Obama’s Pay Czar cuts children’s piggy bank reserves by 90%?

Is Al Gore’s next project going to be an energy-efficient condom? (If Gore can lie about the weather, he can lie about anything.)

The Civil Rights Gang notwithstanding, were blacks ever anything but racist?

Obama seems to have narrowed the gap between a President and a pestilence.

Have Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac brought Americans closer together by connecting our slums with coast-to-coast tenements?

Obama is ready to declare the H1N1 virus as America’s national bird.

Is there a new racially selective epidemic on the horizon called The Coon Flu?

The film studios are ready to produce another round of 3-D movies – proving, once again, in Hollywood, there’s always room to go backwards.

Having screwed up America, what makes the Democrats think Obama is the right guy to straighten out Afghanistan?

Hillary Clinton has been on the public scene for more than fifty years and her entire contribution to the world is approximate to a paper weight with tits.

Incidentally, if the Clintons have another baby, it would not be aborted – it would have to be impeached

Is Obama having a bad scalp day?

Is the fact that Barack Obama is so certain of himself mean that he’s

full of “sure”?

Is the reason that celebrities are no longer being invited to the White House because the Obamas are using the Lincoln Bedroom to store the elephant tusks his relatives have shipped them from Kenya?

Should the Democrats change the name of their party to the Afrocrats?

Is Obama planning to invite a contingent of vampires from Transylvania to help him suck the blood out of the private sector? (In Chicago vampires are called Acorns.)

When the Democrats ask Obama to emcee their money-raising television show for Barney Frank should they call it a Puke-athon?

Is Barack Obama trying to return the country to its "rightful" robbers?

Did Hillary Clinton realize her marriage was not going smoothly the first time she found ground glass in her Feminique?

And this …

Has the average American become justifiably offended by the word trillion the same way as the average Negro has become justifiably offended by the word nigger?

***