BARACK AND MICHELLE

(LAST TANGO IN DENMARK)   ©

by Norman Liebmann

Losing the Olympic Games for Chicago was another case of Barack Obama snatching failure from the jaws of failure. Perhaps Chicago would have had a better chance if Obama had not just voted “Present”. Having lost the Olympics Chicagoans may host the 2016 Gong Show.

In fact, Obama did not lose the Olympics – he jettisoned it. President Obama has made his Administration the East Coast Distributor For Stumbles. Barack could have represented Chicago more characteristically if he had carried a violin case with a "Tommy gun" inside it and worn an Al Capone-style borsalino hat. (Likely he will next announce that the environment has been cancelled due to a lack of interest.)

Obama’s speeches have made one thing clear. As usual, he kept talking hoping to think of something to say. Anytime anyone uses the First Person Singular, the Obamas get a royalty. In order to express your core beliefs you first have to have a core. His talking points wound up being walking points. Obama slinked back to Chicago to have Mayor Daley lick his wounds. Ever since Mrs. O’Leary’s cow kicked over the lantern that burned that city to the ground, Chicagoans have been addicted to spectacle. One might say, to the soiled belongs the victims.

Perhaps a Catholic member of the Olympic Committee voted his displeasure after hearing a rumor that Obama’s proposed changing the Olympic symbol from the Five Rings to a Condom with Wings.

If he has any more failures Obama will have to appoint a Czar of Flops. This rookie President is choking up on his vanity and his inexperience. Obama has made so many mistakes it appears as though he’s keeping a real President out of a job. (In Denmark Obama tried to create the demeanor of a road company mulatto Prince Hamlet seeking his father’s Kenyan ghost prowling the parapets of Ellsinore castle in a leopard skin loincloth.) Since Obama’s head has become so swollen it now makes his ears look a normal size.  Have no doubt Americans will be made to pay with their taxes for the face full of saliva the Obamas took from the Olympic Committee in Denmark.

I guess the Obamas knew something was amiss when the Danish honor guard greeted him with 21 spear salute. Another sign of hostility was at the Airport when Obama was greeted by a contingent of protesters from Norway carrying signs that read “Go fjord yourself!”

The Danes don’t have a vast right wing conspiracy. In fact, the country is too small to have a vast anything. There’s something else for Obama to learn in Scandinavia. The Danes and the Swedes don’t call each other racists. At least, Obama did not encounter any men’s rooms labeled “Blue-eyed Blondes Only”. Obama did not endear himself in Copenhagen for passing out to the Danish school children Koran Coloring Books. What next - dynamite diapers?

The delusion that Michelle Obama is one of the world’s great beauties dissipated even faster than it deserved. Getting Michelle’s rump aboard Air Force One is an Olympic Event of its own. The lady needs back up lights.

No matter what Michelle Obama wears she looks like an explosion in a thrift shop. When Michelle gets all dressed up she looks like a juke box. Her clothes must be designed by Wurlitzer. It is rumored that Chanel may create a special perfume for Michelle to reflect her disposition called Pepper Spray No. 5. Still, the lady continued to impress the European media with her versatility by demonstrating there is almost nothing she can’t do badly.

Had Obama exerted any more of his personal charm in Copenhagen Denmark would have declared war on America.

MEANWHILE …

While Congress debates the Obama Healthcare Plan, the swine flu virus is not just sitting around in its pajamas. Some medics have turned down the Obama suggestion to accept voodoo doctors. They claim sacrificing a goat will never replace penicillin.

The first step in the Obamacare Health Plan is to de-segregate the viruses. Both Black and White doctors are working on that. They would do better to seek a cure for Political Correctness.

Most of the members of Congress are already over-medicated. If it wasn’t for occasional visits to their proctologists they wouldn’t have any social life at all.

If Obama is in the mood to redistribute services he might get Acorn to assign prostitutes to men who are sexually deprived. If anyone in the mainstream media pretended to be a prostitute, they wouldn’t be pretending.

The Democrats are considering letting the Taliban win and change the name of their country to Obamastan.

Obama has created an environment in which the only Caucasians that owe him loyalty are movie stars. The last loyal black American west of the Mississippi was Hattie McDaniels. Movie ushers have been obliged to announce, “No one will be seated during the last ten minutes of the Obama Administration”.

It’s been suggested that the last black from Detroit that earned an honest living without any help from Washington was Joe Louis.

We look forward to a new book of American political nostalgia called “When We Were White”.

Is the arrest of Roman Polanski the last vindictive step for Obama’s dismantling of the Polish missile shield? Incidentally, Polanski’s name has been entered next to Bill Clinton’s in The Academy of Celebrity Perverts.

It is only left to the Democrats to destroy the future having already discredited the past. Obama doesn’t have any male issue. He wasn’t able to find an X chromosome donor. Democrat politicians are the inevitable calamity that can occur when chromosomes copulate indiscriminately.

It is speculated that the real reason for closing Camp Gitmo is to re-deploy the Guards to protect the Obama daughters from Somali pirates that might be cruising the Potomac.

Obama doesn’t believe in victory in war. That’s like a bridegroom who doesn’t believe in orgasms on his wedding night. Perhaps Obama also doesn’t believe in sex before marriage – and likely he’s not too sure about afterward.

Is “AARP” the sound chipmunks make when they throw up?

Obama may be planning to confer with Fidel Castro. The Black Caucus has suggested the meeting take place in Cuba’s Bay of Pigmentations. Perhaps they should have moved the Olympics to Cuba? They could have an Event in Maracas Shaking.

Does the NEA plan to teach children to sing The Internationale – in Ebonics?

Obama is contemplating another Crapulus Package. The new Obama budget marks the first time in history that the roof has gone through the roof.

As Obama dismounts from his plane a delegation from NASA should be flown in to moon him. After all, Astronauts have been there and done that.

Obama’s approval ratings are in the toilet. Roto-Rooter refused comment.

It’s said that Oprah Winfrey was delayed at the Airport Security Gate. Frisking her could be a job for a committee. There could have been a delay when Oprah tried to board her studio audience on Air Force One by claiming them as carry-on luggage.

In Bill Clinton, America had a sex maniac President, in Obama we have an ego maniac President. Isn’t it time we had a plain old garden variety maniac as President? (Along those lines, Congress may vote stimulus funds to create a Contraception Wing to the Clinton Library.)

To show his present political leanings, President Obama is abolishing bagels from the White House cafeteria menu and adding camel burgers.

Rather than send the 40,000 troops to Afghanistan that General McChrystal requested, President Obama will supply him with air support in order to execute a flyover apology of the Taliban camp.

No one ever accused Joe Biden of being stupid. Was it ever a question?

If, as she proclaims, Nancy Pelosi wants to “drain the swamps” she should start with the one between her ears.

Hillary’s meaningless career illustrates that you don’t have to get the hookers off the street. You just have to get Obama to marginalize them.

Obama could consider making Serena Williams his Czar of Profanity. It makes you wonder how Russia got by on one Czar at a time.

Obama uses Eric Holder to protect the Black Panthers much as Bill Clinton probably kept Janet Reno around to "service" the Swamp Thing.

Barney Frank is overdue for a severe wrist-slapping.

City by city, Obama is helping Islam to Moslem-ize the Western World out of existence.

And this …

French President Nicolas Sarkozy said Barack Obama is incredibly naïve and grossly egotistical. No shit.

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